第一次體驗 ft.JD - 成人話題討論

By Yuri
at 2018-11-07T22:49
at 2018-11-07T22:49
Table of Contents
生而為人,
我很抱歉。
記得那天下午,
女友傳訊息給我。
「我們分手吧。」
這是多麼沒誠意的一件事?
交往了三年,說分手就分手?
避不見面也就算了,撥通電話也不肯?
我撥了通電話給她,
果不其然,直接轉語音信箱。
十之八九被設定拒接了吧。
『喔,好的。』
我本來想這樣瀟灑涼薄的回應,
但在送出前一刻我的手指彷彿凍結。
說要分手的訊息是傳給我的嗎?
會不會是傳錯了呢?
如果是給我的話,
我一點也不知道該怎麼面對。
但,如果不是的話,
我更不知道該怎麼面對了。
『為什麼?』
她說了一堆狗屁倒灶的官腔藉口。
說什麼我沒有穩定工作、
說什麼我自以為是、
不愛乾淨、個性無聊、沒幽默感、講話下流、生活沒交集、媽寶、
尺寸短小。
任憑我說再多,她也沒有任何動搖。
難怪有人說
變了心的女朋友就好像是六月中林泓育對戰中信兄弟十一局下半的
再見全壘打一樣回不來了。
然後,還決定了你的生死。
我失魂落魄的坐在星巴克的角落,
拿著一本書,索然無味的翻著。
日復一日、日復一日、日復一日的,
機械的生存著,
就好像人生失去了所有意義。
被甩後,我每天都有刷牙。
等我回過神來注意到的時候,
就已經刷好了。
想了好幾天後,
我決定下載推薦列上的JustDating。
就當作是認識新朋友也好。
一註冊好後,
馬上收到滿坑滿谷的訊息。
每個女孩都很漂亮,
唯一的缺點是,
想看訊息要先成為付費會員。
三十天要一千兩百多,
是我剩餘資產的一半了。
我心一橫,牙一咬。
刷了下去。
註冊好後,
自己挑了一個長得最順眼的女孩。
『安安啊,哈哈。』
「安唷~」
『地一次用這個,不太會用哈哈。』
「第啦幹」
....地一次遇到這種人,
突然燃起了一股報復心態,
這讓我下定決心,
我一定要幹死她,讓她瞧瞧我的厲害!
我使盡渾身解數開始撩她,
我既是稱讚她的身材,
又是讚賞她的性格。
聊了幾天後,
她似乎對我產生了一定的信任,
開始對我放出暗示。
「啊~ 好想出去玩喔」
「啊~ 這幾天都在家好無聊喔」
「好久沒打砲了喔」
我決定趁勝追擊。
『今晚下班要一起吃個飯嗎哈哈』
「好啊 你請~」
.........
一句話扣死了我的命門。
請就請,怕妳不成?
我約她去一間我常吃的麵店,
裡面的肉燥飯便宜又大碗。
為了怕她亂點,
我提前先到,點好後傳訊息給她。
我靜靜的看著桌上,
漸漸失去生命的兩碗滷肉飯。
然後就聽到一聲蟾鳴。
「你怎麼這麼早到阿哈哈 呱」
為什麼會有呱?
我轉頭看向來人,
更正,那是一隻癩蛤蟆,
就像國語課本上寫的一樣,
拔山倒樹而來。
我呆呆的看著這貨擠開麵台旁邊的老闆娘,
擠開門口,擠開人群,
擠開她來路上的所有障礙。
然後坐到我面前。
這傢伙誰?
她盜帳號?
偷別人照片?
等等,這是詐欺啊。
別,別吃啊。
吃了就構成詐欺了啊啊。
照片是別人的?
怎麼辦,要報警嗎?
跑吧。
飯怎麼辦?
跑不動了。
我會不會死在這?
說好的報復呢?
我胃口全失。
在生與死的難關前,
沒有幾個人會有胃口的。
我彷彿連線中斷的望著她,
眼前的這隻癩蛤蟆,
她似乎明白我眼中的疑惑。
「我照片都是修的啦 哈哈 呱」
呱你老師,幹。
修你老師,幹。
你是怎麼有辦法修圖修到跨越物種的?
達爾文沒有騙我,
他說人類是由別的生物進化而來,
並且還會持續進化。
可是他沒有告訴我,
為什麼眼前這隻進化未完全的生物,
舉手投足,可以模仿人類的行為,
還會修圖?
「你不吃嗎」
「呱」
妳可不可以不要再呱了。
『我…吃飽了,兩碗都是妳的。』
「真的嗎 你怎麼這麼貼心阿 哈哈」
她沒有呱了,
但我看著她只用兩口就把一碗大碗肉燥飯吃完。
還打了個嗝。
「呱~」
幹,她還是呱了。
吃完後,她提議去附近一間小酒吧。
我被她拽著往前走,
我就像一隻失去靈魂的鹿,
在非洲草原上被獅子叼著脖子,
拽回她的巢穴。
到了酒吧門口,我頭皮發麻。
門口這麼小,妳要怎麼進去?
我看她把門打開,
側著身,大喝一聲的擠了進去。
就像擠過狹小縫隙的章魚。
她還隔著縫隙向我招了招她的觸手。
我隨便點了瓶啤酒,
一口把他喝乾。
「你喝這麼快幹嘛 很快就醉了」
醉才好,
醉了就不用面對這個世界了。
過程中一直向我抱怨前男友對她種種的不好。
我安慰她。
她能有男友已經是生物界的奇蹟了,
跨物種的愛戀是很辛苦的。
像我就沒辦法,
我最討厭照顧動物了,
何況如果是我們交往的話,
我不知道要拿什麼蟲餵她。
我尿尿回來,
這東西已經醉趴在沙發上。
在這之前,
我從來沒有想像過,
光靠一個人就可以把一個雙人加大的沙發裝滿。
我輕輕拍了拍她的肩膀,
她悠悠的抬起頭來,看向我的臉。
「呱~」
幹0老師幹0老師幹0老師幹0老師,
妳要打嗝可以不要轉過來嗎幹!
我問她是不是累了,
要不要先回家了。
她沒說話,也沒呱。
她抱著我的手,整個人纏了上來。
我知道,我已經死定了。
說也奇怪。
當你坦然的面對死亡的時候,
心裡反而平靜下來。
我結了帳,
默默的帶著她去附近的一間旅館。
4h / 580
到此,我的錢已經全部花光了。
一進房間,她就自動鬆開我。
我看著她的左手,
如若無骨的繞過自己層層脂肪,
解開自己背後的洋裝拉鍊。
那件不知道什麼尺寸的洋裝死死的緊貼著她的皮膚,
我看著這個生物一點一點的,
把這件黑色洋裝蛻下。
就好像我在youtube上看到的,
蜘蛛蛻皮的畫面,
幾乎一模一樣。
她沒穿胸罩,
也是,這世界上沒有這麼大的胸罩。
她的乳房外擴,
乳頭直接伸展到腋窩,
只要她不把手舉高,就不會激突。
也沒穿內褲。
不,等等,
她有穿。
我看她左手撩開腰際的肉,
右手拇指艱難的伸進內褲與肉的縫隙。
往下拉動了一點,
然後左手揪著內褲的另一角,
兩手並用的往下脫。
我腿一軟,跪倒在廉價地毯上。
不爭氣的流下軟弱的淚。
我一瞬間全明白了。
吃飽後為什麼我沒有逃跑。
擠進酒吧後為什麼我沒有逃跑。
她淹滿沙發的時候為什麼我沒有逃跑。
我…
想幹她。
想清楚這點之後,
眼淚滴滴答答的往下掉,
我低著頭,不願讓她看見我哭泣。
我默默脫掉自己的衣物,
我握著自己硬到發脹的老二,
邊哭邊看著他。
彷彿在做最後一次道別。
我把燈全關掉,爬上她的身軀。
她的皮膚有點粗糙,
摸起來有點像#240砂紙的手感,
我的手肘和胸口割傷了幾處。
我小心翼翼的就位,
但我不敢親她。
也許我會因此消失在這個世界上,
兩天後變成一泡蟾蜍屎。
我把她的乳房扶起,
含住她的乳頭,
她馬上就興奮了。
「呱呱~ 呱呱~ 呱呱~」
我知道,
這是蟾蜍求偶時的叫聲。
我努力的把她的大腿掰開,
翻開她的肚子,
找到她埋藏深處的陰部。
她流出了一些透明的液體,
這是不是人家說的蟾蜍油?
我一切準備就緒,
視死如歸的把老二插入她的身體。
小心翼翼,滿身傷痕。
我感受到前所未有的緊致。
一瞬間就被溫軟的感受包圍。
差一點點就潰堤。
我運起九淺一深心法,
吸吸吐,吸吸吐。
期間換了許多姿勢。
完美落幕。
回到家後,
我和她打了招呼,
問問事後感想。
她說她不會再跟我聯絡了,
她很生氣。
說我一直玩弄她。
卻不插進去。
後來,我把App刪了。
謝謝JustDating,
讓我第一次有人財兩失並且被徹底否定的體驗。
--
[慎] 下有圖
https://imgur.com/3bTptfb.jpg

--
推 noying271: 所以接接取性別是什麼?
推 dream753: 所以接取的性別每天都不一樣嗎?
→ cloudywu02: 可能是看時辰決定的(?
→ nananayu: 看心情決定...
推 saladin31: 看上一個對話對象決定
→ jjhjjh: 少囉嗦 是恆定的啦 =____=
--
Tags:
成人
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