為人父時 - 成人話題討論

By Erin
at 2015-09-01T01:00
at 2015-09-01T01:00
Table of Contents
終將有一日,我也將為人夫,為人父,想來我就腳步恐錯失權衡,一心皆懸他人語。
從前,我總是覺得還早,還不晚,不可能如此之快
豈料一晃眼就是將近三十個冬夏過去了,我對自己的人生之路,八字難成一撇。
今天和一個久違不見的十多年好友餐敘,友人還是一樣美,和我愛的女子不同的美
近況聊完,就是情事上的關心,即使我對她的情感很深,但有些人注定就是朋友
身邊很多人,都在二十多歲就已私訂終身,成家立業者並不在少數之列
從前總抱怨著自己還年輕,不願意被稱呼為長輩,但現在好像也漸漸成為事實
別人算日子時間,是為了要生育下一代,這種感覺曾幾何時也該輪到我。
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聽過友人中出過很多女人,貌比潘安,就能迷惑女孩跟他上床,有的還可以射不用怕
以前不相信這世間有如此傻的女人,但有了年紀之後我信了
我覺得很不公平,為什麼光憑幾句花言巧語,一副限時的肉體軀殼,如此而已
就有女人願意脫光衣服給他上,什麼姿勢什麼時候都行,就想著懷孕了可以綁住他。
我表妹二十一歲嫁人,嫁的是大她四歲的廚師,長的其實有一點帥,也有一點錢
是聽說過她十六歲就破了處,到處跟男生勾三搭四上床尋歡,找的也都是帥的壞玩咖
當年嫁人,在婚禮上也是抱著微凸的肚皮,才抓住了我那一個表妹婿
我們小時候感情其實很好,所以我一直不願意相信這一切,即使這一切都是真的
看著我的外甥,心情確實有些複雜,也許我是想的太多心也軟,人生或許就是這回事。
如今,她們的婚姻並不幸福,也許是表象,又或許我第六感是正確的
每一年過年,都看著我表妹抱著小孩子在玩,而妹婿一直在講電話不理她們母子。
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我常常在想著家庭,距離自己還可以有多遠,自己還有多久時間可以努力,可以猶豫
到底是怎麼一回事才算完整,怎麼努力才能有個好的開始
看著這亂如麻,情慾如海潮般洶湧而至的現代社會,時常都會感覺痛心似刀割
那陣酸就從我內心深處瀰漫著,如我有一日身為人父,我該如何釋懷?
我知道,自己在未來的日子裡面,也是要中出別人的女兒,才能有自己的兒女
總想著替身從己出的子女多想一些,多做一點,但想到這裡總覺得有些五味雜陳。
如果有一天,自己的兒子對我說,又假設他還年輕十五六歲。
「爸,我把女友的肚子搞大了,借我錢我要帶她去墮胎...」
「爸,我跟女網友約炮約上床把人家弄懷孕了,我要怎麼辦?」
我是要:
(A) 打他一頓,叫他自己想辦法自生自滅。
(B) 咬緊牙根帶他們去醫院處理,畢竟雙方都尚未成年,無法簽同意書。
(C) 要他把那女孩子帶回家來,問清楚狀況之後讓他們結婚,生下孩子。
直至此刻,我就算只是假設,我還是感受的到那種痛心疾首的感覺
以及不管下了哪一個決定,未來必須面對所有人眼光,以及另一個家庭的一輩子。
又如果是自己最愛的女兒,上輩子最美的情人,又假設她還只是個國中的孩子。
回到家,跪下來哭著說:
「爸拔,對不起我跟男朋友...好像懷孕了...我們要怎麼辦嗚嗚嗚......」
「爸比,我跟網友......(哭)」
(A) ...... (頭暈目眩)
(B) 妳出去,我沒有妳這樣不知廉恥的女兒,出去!!! (巴掌)
(C) ......... (寫遺書)
如果自己身為一個父親,自己的女兒在外面和男孩子上床,也都還是未成年的孩子
我一定會氣到一句話也說不出來,但又狠不下心罵她苛責她,那樣只會更添雪上加霜
人生之路走到這一步,我真的很畏懼自己的生命,就在這裡畫上休止符。
我知道自己很愛做愛,性慾也很強,也知道那才是生命幸福的最後一關
但人生悲劇見過何止數十,我無法停止那些妄念,不願意見到那些悲劇加諸子女之身
西斯之文已寫七十有餘,今晚再寫此文,就是有一些關卡,如若成當局者又該如何自處。
靜靜的看著他人悲劇,聽著人們的生命之音,旁觀者易,當局者難矣。
--
P幣已送出,很微薄但也是心意。
我很認真寫,謝謝大家的推文,謝謝:)
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Tags:
做愛
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