大家會在圖書館廁所尻嗎 - 成人話題討論

By Erin
at 2019-11-03T14:48
at 2019-11-03T14:48
Table of Contents
我當兵的時候有個同梯叫做威利,是個重度手淫患者。
威利在英國念大學期間,常常因為過度手淫遭到同學嘲笑,甚至被取了Willy Wanker的綽
號。
所以他幾乎所有時間都窩在老舊的學校圖書館。
圖書館燈光舒適、地毯柔軟、氣氛寧靜,是打手槍的絕佳場所。
偶爾威利讀書讀累了,就會走到冷僻的世界偉人傳記區,躲在高聳的書架後自瀆。
除了威利之外,就只有管理員安德魯老先生會經過這裡。
安德魯很老了,行動起來十分遲緩,皮鞋在地毯上刮出沙沙沙的聲音。
沙沙沙……沙沙沙……
威利總能在聽見聲響後,迅速穿起褲子,對他露出尷尬而不失禮貌地微笑。
日子就這樣一天天地過去,威利日復一日在知識的汪洋中盡情放縱、恣意翱翔。
世界偉人傳記封面上的偉人們注視著威利,威利也注視著他們。
牛頓的鼻樑、伽利略的落腮鬍、愛因斯坦的舌頭……
黑格爾的眼袋、高斯的鬢角、愛因斯坦的舌頭……
愛因斯坦的舌頭、愛因斯坦的舌頭、愛因斯坦的舌頭……
「啊斯……」威利嘆息。
他忍不住抽出那本《世界偉人傳記:愛因斯坦》。
手指輕輕撫過細滑柔軟的書頁,指尖微微顫抖。
威利將書本捲了起來,闔上眼睛,又一遍深度地認識了愛因斯坦的一切。
牆上的書本們無數次呵護著、撫慰著威利寂寞的身心。
「書中自有黃金屋,書中自有顏如玉……」威利雙腿一軟,癱坐在地毯。
「站得越高,尻得越遠。」
威利若有所思地穿上褲子:「我是站在巨人的肩膀上打手槍。」
在這麼多歷史偉人面前打手槍,他覺得自己好像一天比一天更加聰明。
好景不常,幾個月後,學校宣布即將整修擴建圖書館的消息。
威利即將失去打手槍的寶地,安德魯老先生也會丟掉這份工作。
威利知道安德魯沒有子女,他半年後才能夠開始領取政府發放的老年補助金,在此之前,
他都得仰賴這份微薄的薪水生活。
失去工作的這半年,他該怎麼活下去?
圖書館整修前一天下午,威利打手槍的時候,透過書架間的縫隙看到安德魯老先生獨自一
人坐在櫃檯。
他呆愣地看著窗外,臉上寫滿衰老的悲哀,以及對命運無所適從的茫然。
這當然不關威利的事,他有的是地方打手槍。
他幫不了安德魯什麼。
他什麼都不會,就只會打手槍而已。
圖書館打烊前,威利躲進了廁所。
隔天早上,工人們進入圖書館後,所有人都被眼前的景象驚呆了。
偌大的圖書館,整整五層樓高、一千多副書架、三十多萬本藏書,每一本書都遭到了不明
人士褻瀆。
無數書頁沾黏在了一起,腥臭濕滑,已經到了無法閱讀的程度。
圖書館的世界偉人傳記區,一個失去意識的學生躺在地上,臉色發黑,心臟衰竭,險些丟
失了性命。
那是威利。
什麼都不會,就只會打手槍的威利。
校方被迫暫停圖書館的整修行程,額外聘僱人員優先修復藏書,名單上也包含了安德魯老
先生的名字,他對這間讀書館的一切瞭若指掌。
雇用時間,剛好半年。
□
兩年後,新圖書館建成了。
空間更寬敞、燈光更明亮、管理員也增加為三人,個個都年輕專業。
威利走進全新的圖書館,上上下下繞了好幾回,卻怎麼也找不到世界偉人傳記區,頓時有
種悵然若失的感覺。
正當他垂頭喪氣地停在圖書館裡某個角落時,聽見了熟悉的聲音。
沙沙沙……沙沙沙……
一隻手拍了拍他的肩膀。
威利回頭,那人正是退休後回來當志工的安德魯老先生。
「你真的以為,我都不知道你躲在書架後面做什麼嗎?」
安德魯老先生推著一輛推車,推車上堆滿了好大一疊書籍。
那是威利再熟悉也不過的書本。
「這些都是當年遭到破壞最嚴重、無法修復的書籍,就送給你吧。」
威利熱淚盈眶地看著那疊書,很快地又硬了起來。
「你真的很喜歡世界偉人叢書呢。」安德魯笑著穿上了褲子。
等等?穿上了褲子?
沙沙沙……沙沙沙……
直到那天,威利才知道,為什麼自己總能在安德魯出現前千鈞一髮地完成尻槍。
原來那不是安德魯走路的聲音,而是他打手槍的聲音。
沙沙沙……
沙沙沙……
沙沙沙……
□
這就是我朋友在圖書感尻尻的經歷,供您參考。
※ 引述《YenFuOne (焉芙丸)》之銘言:
: 以前唸大學碩班常到圖書館唸書
: 在學生比較多的圖書館
: 夏天大家常常會穿得比較清涼
: 看書看到一半
: 如果穿無袖的女生舉起手來弄頭髮
: 真的會忍不住想尻
: 大家有這樣的經驗嗎
: 有時候在蹲式馬桶尻
: 會射得到處都是
: 打掃工友應該蠻不爽的
--
Tags:
成人
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