約炮的越戰現場 - 成人話題討論

By Victoria
at 2018-04-15T11:08
at 2018-04-15T11:08
Table of Contents
哎,我承認我週六沒活動沒約沒局沒酒,家裡連菸也沒有了
邊緣腐女只好廢到來發廢文。
有時候呢看到版上的屠龍文,也會跟著覺得慘覺得好笑
但忍不住心裡要翻白眼
誒誒,男生遇到的雷好像就只是女生體重過重而已
(挺多有時候參雜了腳臭鮑臭跟腋毛多
但說真的
女生約炮才真的是…
不誇張,就是越戰現場好嗎?!
根本到處都是雷啊!
有時候會覺得這方面的文章比例比較少
我想,純粹是我們女森心地比較善良吧
那今天容我忍不住來當個心腸壞的壞人
說說那些我遇過的地雷們…
1. 胖子
我自己不瘦,不太約肌肉男,也沒遇過真的很肥的男人,
但是有時候遇到那種馬奶水桶腰的男生,
還是會有點…
尤其第一次約炮的時候就是這樣,
他也不是真的胖,但就是腰身很粗
那男生一拼命地幹起來,全身都噴汗
我手一扶上去,覺得都在抹精油了…就很油膩那樣好像在吃控肉飯...
後來,我真的無法再跟他約第二次。
2. 矮子
老實說我也覺得這世界很不公平,
我們女生矮,是小隻馬,火車便當很好使。
但男生矮…,不好意思,就是半殘。
有次視訊上看起來很不錯的男生,一到現場,
咦,怎麼跟穿著高跟鞋的我差不多高的樣子啊。
這只能怪我沒有先確認細節!可惡!永遠學不會!
這不是通則,但那次遇到的矮子先生,
雖然人很好,也好聊,
但他屌不長,而且又快鎗。
勉強約了幾次,我只能放生惹。
3. 瘦子
我對瘦子沒有太大成見。
但現在社會是不是有些男生真的好像發育不完全。
少了一點胸膛的男人,怎樣就是缺了一點男人味啊。
有次我約了一個179cm的瘦子。
本來一切都挺好,屌一掏出來,老實說我有點嚇到。
怎麼會跟身高這麼不成比例啊,大約就12左右。
而且幹了一發之後,續航力不佳…
哎,男生真的還是要養點肉才會好吃一點的吧?
4. 性格
這點有些幽微,通常很少人提及(是嗎?
但就像食物裡的調味一樣,還是要對味才好入口。
有些人賴上面很會,講得一副多強勢多猛多能幹的樣子,
結果到了現場溫溫吞吞,
別人親奶都差點要咬,只有他是小啄一下,
明明賴上不是說要幹死我的嗎靠北!
就好像我興沖沖地點一盤紅油抄手,結果入口卻一點也不辣!
無語問蒼天.jpg
或是鳥也大也夠硬也夠蠻橫,
但是只准他動不准我搖…
我真的當場戴佩妮了,到底是”怎樣!!”
然後,就沒有然後了,
我連對方id都記不得惹!
還有一個,明明我就很濕了,
他偏偏還抹口水往人家穴裡塗!
然後做完就自己去清洗了噢!自己齁!
哀哀哀,
寫到這裡我開始感覺自己身世根本淒涼…
5. 屌
說到這點上,就傷感情惹
小屌短屌軟屌臭屌包莖屌快鎗屌卡彈屌
不瞞您說
我他媽的都遇過!
如果這些經歷可以變成集點卡
那我應該早就可以換到什麼Jamie菜刀或是LC鍋了吧(?!
小屌男問我如何,我說,很爽啊,你看我不都噴了嗎?
短屌男問我如何,我說,你很有力啊!
軟屌男問我如何,我說,你挺粗的耶!
卡彈屌男問我如何,我說,啊可能是我自己不夠性感吧
快鎗屌男問我如何,我說,快鎗總比卡彈好啊!
誒,少了一個臭屌男嗎?
齁,他沒問過我這事。
他如果知道自己臭屌,他還會是臭屌男嗎!切!
((((((為什麼要找一個能幹猛幹幹好幹滿時間能配合又有點情趣的炮友有這麼難啊啊啊))
)))))
所以啦,
我真的不知道男生在靠妖什麼龍不龍的
那根本不算什麼吧!
女生要約炮,
那簡直就是
他媽的越戰現場好嗎!
前後左右都有可能是雷啊啊啊啊啊!
(有時候還有cluster bomb!)
完全是步步驚心啊馬的!
最後,
靠北,
誰可以告訴我,
水星逆行什麼時候結束?
再這樣下去,
我按摩棒的電池,又會很快就要去買新的啦(淚奔
--
本帳號為匿名帳號,發文前請留意相關規範,勿來信約炮。
本帳號為匿名帳號,發文前請留意相關規範,勿來信約炮。
本帳號為匿名帳號,發文前請留意相關規範,勿來信約炮。
--
Tags:
成人
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