約失敗的案例 - 成人話題討論

By Ivy
at 2019-03-10T05:22
at 2019-03-10T05:22
Table of Contents
人生不總是如意的,約炮也是
這次我就來分享失敗的案例
---------------------------------------
去年九月的某周六傍晚
語音app傳來配對成功的提示音
幾分鐘的交談後
『要不要出來走走?』我問
「可以阿,但我只接受你開車來接我。」
性的饑渴讓我打破自己的原則
"開車不約炮,約炮不開車"
至於為什麼...
因為我不想讓她們養成我必須接送的習慣
吃飯我請,房錢我出
但接送是女友的待遇。
---------------------------------------
到了她家樓下,她上車
一個瘦小的小隻馬,用過多的力道關上車門
「走,去那個有牛的山上草原。」
她用命令的語氣說
路上,我們的話題帶入性
山腳下的公園,我提議在這散步就好
『我覺得山上會起霧,而且很冷。』
「到山上散步不是早就說好的事情嗎?」
『好吧...但妳穿得很少,真的要嗎?』
「走吧。」她自信的說
----------------------------------------
到了某大學外面的7-11和麥當當
『我買個東西,妳想喝什麼?』
「都可以。」
我到7-11買了一杯無糖熱拿鐵和熱可可
然後過了馬路到麥當當點了兩份大薯
回到車上後,我把熱可可放在副駕的杯架上
『這是妳的熱可可。』
「我不喝甜的。」她說
『那妳喝我的無糖拿鐵吧。』
我把可可和拿鐵換了位置
「我不喝咖啡。」
我覺得這個女生一定有公主病
算了,反正我只想打一炮
忍耐點。
--------------------------------------
往草原的路上
我把食物的紙袋夾在雙腿間
左手操控著方向盤,右手墊著紙巾抓著薯條
聽著她說她的約炮史
「我跟五十幾個男人幹過,有一半沒戴套。」
「我這陣子約了一個男的...」
「後來發現他疑似有病,我跟他也沒戴套。」
『痾...恩。』
我被她這一番話嚇軟了
瞬間打消了等等開幹的念頭
然後她突如其來一句
「我覺得你邊開車邊吃薯條很髒。」
『會嗎...那抱歉,我真的很餓。』
之後聽她開始抱怨大學時期
還有現在工作面臨的種種人際問題
『放寬心吧,人生總有不如意。』
我只是這樣回答
雖然我覺得是她自己的問題
-------------------------------------
到了草原,和我預判的一樣
濃霧,視線僅有前方一點五公尺
只能隱約的看見公廁的燈光
『走吧。』
我打開車門,對她說
「不要,霧太大而且很冷。」
『來這不是妳要求的嗎?』
我有點不耐煩的說
她只是坐在車上不為所動
『我送妳回家吧。』
我無奈的說
------------------------------------
到了她家的巷子
我們這一路上都沒有交談
我的紳士額度所剩無幾
她解開安全帶,下車
然後重甩車門
『垃圾婊子。』
我咒罵她
------------------------------------
想想那次的經歷
花了一格半的油錢,兩杯飲料
還有大半夜的時間。
幹,到底是誰髒。
晚安,西斯
--
這次我就來分享失敗的案例
---------------------------------------
去年九月的某周六傍晚
語音app傳來配對成功的提示音
幾分鐘的交談後
『要不要出來走走?』我問
「可以阿,但我只接受你開車來接我。」
性的饑渴讓我打破自己的原則
"開車不約炮,約炮不開車"
至於為什麼...
因為我不想讓她們養成我必須接送的習慣
吃飯我請,房錢我出
但接送是女友的待遇。
---------------------------------------
到了她家樓下,她上車
一個瘦小的小隻馬,用過多的力道關上車門
「走,去那個有牛的山上草原。」
她用命令的語氣說
路上,我們的話題帶入性
山腳下的公園,我提議在這散步就好
『我覺得山上會起霧,而且很冷。』
「到山上散步不是早就說好的事情嗎?」
『好吧...但妳穿得很少,真的要嗎?』
「走吧。」她自信的說
----------------------------------------
到了某大學外面的7-11和麥當當
『我買個東西,妳想喝什麼?』
「都可以。」
我到7-11買了一杯無糖熱拿鐵和熱可可
然後過了馬路到麥當當點了兩份大薯
回到車上後,我把熱可可放在副駕的杯架上
『這是妳的熱可可。』
「我不喝甜的。」她說
『那妳喝我的無糖拿鐵吧。』
我把可可和拿鐵換了位置
「我不喝咖啡。」
我覺得這個女生一定有公主病
算了,反正我只想打一炮
忍耐點。
--------------------------------------
往草原的路上
我把食物的紙袋夾在雙腿間
左手操控著方向盤,右手墊著紙巾抓著薯條
聽著她說她的約炮史
「我跟五十幾個男人幹過,有一半沒戴套。」
「我這陣子約了一個男的...」
「後來發現他疑似有病,我跟他也沒戴套。」
『痾...恩。』
我被她這一番話嚇軟了
瞬間打消了等等開幹的念頭
然後她突如其來一句
「我覺得你邊開車邊吃薯條很髒。」
『會嗎...那抱歉,我真的很餓。』
之後聽她開始抱怨大學時期
還有現在工作面臨的種種人際問題
『放寬心吧,人生總有不如意。』
我只是這樣回答
雖然我覺得是她自己的問題
-------------------------------------
到了草原,和我預判的一樣
濃霧,視線僅有前方一點五公尺
只能隱約的看見公廁的燈光
『走吧。』
我打開車門,對她說
「不要,霧太大而且很冷。」
『來這不是妳要求的嗎?』
我有點不耐煩的說
她只是坐在車上不為所動
『我送妳回家吧。』
我無奈的說
------------------------------------
到了她家的巷子
我們這一路上都沒有交談
我的紳士額度所剩無幾
她解開安全帶,下車
然後重甩車門
『垃圾婊子。』
我咒罵她
------------------------------------
想想那次的經歷
花了一格半的油錢,兩杯飲料
還有大半夜的時間。
幹,到底是誰髒。
晚安,西斯
--
Tags:
成人
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