毫無反應,就只是結紮 - 成人話題討論

By Elma
at 2019-01-23T19:44
at 2019-01-23T19:44
Table of Contents
這是一篇帶著負能量的結紮心路歷程
希望有情有液的西斯版眾可以分我一些正能量QQ
過去拜讀眾多30cm勇者們的結紮心得
期許著總有一天,我也能找到屬於我的One piece
研究了附近醫院有口碑的醫師,鼓起勇氣的網路掛號下去
到了診間醫師問了看診原因,說明想結紮之後
醫師簡單的身家調查
『小孩幾個啦、年齡性別?』
『太太同意嗎?』
當下有點悲傷的回答
『同意,嗯~應該說是沒意見吧,因為使用率很低』
然後跟診護理師科科的笑不停,我難過
醫師很快的排定兩天後手術,順便當場檢查我的福袋看看好不好動刀
沒問題後交付給我手術須知及同意書,上面要有患者及配偶簽章
當天配偶不用到場沒有關係
手術當天正要單槍赴會時,老婆臨時決定還是請假陪同
本來還想說沒關係我可以自己去,後來到開刀房報到時
護理同仁要求當場核對配偶證件及本人
怎麼跟醫師當時說的不一樣QQ
換上手術衣進準備室等待時,護理師遞了張毛毯給我披著,邊打紀錄邊閒聊
『喔~很體貼太太喔』『在做什麼工作啊?』
告訴她本魯是同地區隔壁家醫院的醫療同業
她放下手上的note開始專心跟我聊天,我也跟她訴說著心中的不安
『可能我做完結紮不久後就要離婚了』
她用著「先生你有事嗎?」的眼神看著我,透露著些無奈
聊了些夫妻的相處之道,幫我加油打氣,希望我能度過難關
金價就甘心
上了手術台,醫師放了輕柔的音樂來舒緩我的不安情緒
在右小腿肚貼上貼片,簡單的除毛
把小方吉往上拉,用膠帶貼在肚臍下方固定,蓋上毯子只露出手術部位
用碘酒大把大把的消毒時心裡有種
『啊~這就是死刑前的高粱酒嗎?』的即視感
過去帶小朋友去打預防針,看他們哭得亂七八糟時總是安慰說
『沒那麼可怕,就像蚊子叮一樣,要勇敢一點!』
躺在手術台上的心情,就如同小朋友那時的恐懼,被等比例放大
手術過程中,最讓我不舒服的只有左右邊打麻藥扎針的瞬間
推藥時的痠痛感、捏著蛋蛋把麻藥揉開都還在可以接受的範圍內
護理師不時的把蛋蛋左翻右翻,感覺到主治用鑷子用力拉扯著輸精管
在麻藥作用下沒有任何痛感
可是醫師你這麼用力扯會覺得『啊啊啊啊我要壞掉惹QQ』
空氣中飄著電燒的焦味,是子弟兵們在向我道別的最後信號
縫合後,護理師端著切下來的兩小段輸精管讓我再見它們一面
整個手術過程大約半小時,費用5000有找
批價時護理師做了簡單衛教,3個月或清槍15~20次後可以回診檢查
採檢體前要禁慾3~5天,必須在採樣後30分鐘送件
3天內不要碰水,最後請我到檢驗科領取空瓶、藥局領藥
不過當天還是忍不住洗了澡,洗完後用吹風機吹乾再上藥膏、貼ok蹦
手術到今天剛好滿兩週,除了蛋蛋有兩處腫塊之外
大約三天後,下腹的悶痛感就完全消失了
跟老婆結婚剛滿七年,一直都算是無性婚姻狀態
認識十六年來,在性生活這塊一直都很不合拍
記得某天晚上睡前告訴她,我預約好要去結紮
她背對著我冷冷的回了句『就算你去結紮我也不會跟你做愛』
所以簽手術同意書時我也只是淡淡的告訴她
『希望在我還有法定配偶時能幫我簽個名就好』
完全沒有板上真男人們要去手術時的興奮與期待
單純只是回應自己曾立下的心願
儘管如此,在心底還是暗自期許能有好好使用我小方吉的一天
只要想起老婆懷了兩胎的辛勞、進產房的心情、恐懼與不捨
即使未來真的是白動刀了好像也不是太大遺憾
以上,是本魯很奇怪的結紮心得XD
--
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