有人靠每天泡溫泉殺精(避孕)嗎? - 成人話題討論

By Jessica
at 2018-08-19T13:08
at 2018-08-19T13:08
Table of Contents
我當兵的時候有個同梯外號叫浩南,意外在營區裡懷孕。
他本人相當錯愕,因為他根本不記得受害的經過。
「這……到底是……三小啊?」浩南哥茫然看著懷中的嬰兒。
「浩南,為師對不起你。」教練相當自責。
「有什麼關係?我覺得很可愛啊。」威利在旁邊說風涼話。
「孩子是無辜的。」浩南哥的表情很複雜,輕輕說道:「他的名字叫山雞。」
幾個禮拜前,他還是個沉迷於肉慾、流連在風月場所的浪子。
如今,一種血肉相依的親密聯繫,讓他對懷中的孩子生出不由自主的憐愛。
「我的心好亂……已經……不知道該怎麼辦才好了。」浩南哥神智錯亂地抓著頭。
小山雞咬著浩南哥乾癟的乳頭,一雙靈活的大眼睛骨碌碌地轉動。
不愧是教練的種,都已經喝不到奶在餓肚子了,小山雞還是笨拙地打著手槍。
「小傢伙,我欣賞你。」大腦有問題的威利馬上跟著尻了起來。
教練霍然站起身。
「你要去哪裡?」浩南哥顫聲道。
「它已經傷害太多人,為師必須做個了結。」
教練摸摸自己的屌,轉頭深深看了浩南哥一眼。
「然後為師會回來,到時不論你的決定如何,為師都會負起責任。」
浩南哥緊緊抱著山雞,眼淚滑下臉頰。
「怎麼可能,山雞居然比我持久!?」威利的表情扭曲,努力忍著不射出來。
因為不想再看智障跟嬰兒比賽打手槍的詭異畫面,我跟著教練走出寢室。
「教練,你要做什麼?」
「結紮。」教練沉痛地說道。
「去哪裡結紮?」我疑惑,完全不覺得醫護所的人可以壓制教練窮凶極惡的屌。
「末日火山。」教練說:「為師的懶覺生命力太強,連男人都可以幹到懷孕。只有藉助大
地的力量,或許才能將其摧毀。」
「靠北,你的懶覺是魔王嗎?」我傻眼:「話說這附近哪有火山?」
深夜,我跟教練摸黑來到營區後山,那裡居然真有座不知道什麼時候出現的活火山。
岩漿沉重而遲緩地流動著,隱隱透出一股毀滅性的氣息。
教練站在火山口,瞪著火山內的滾滾岩漿脫下褲子,陰毛在熱氣蒸烤下微微蜷曲。
彷彿查覺到危機,教練的懶覺迎風而長,勃然大怒。
這已經不是懶覺,是擁有自我意識的邪惡魔物!
「孽畜!今日我就要將你就地正法!」教練的眼眶含淚。
我知道,對教練來說,這條懶覺就像是並肩作戰,最後卻誤入歧途的夥伴。
他曾告訴我,明年退伍後,他要帶著懶覺參加世界勃懶會,完成兒時的夢想。
如今,他正在親手摧毀自己的夢想。
「喝啊啊啊啊!」
教練高高躍起,半空中迴身挺腰,用力把懶覺插進火山口。
轟隆隆隆……
大地震動,懶覺在火山內劇烈地掙扎著。
教練腰部推進,猛烈地幹著火山。
我幾乎可以聽見懶覺發出的慘叫聲。
「還不束手就擒!莫要再危害世人了!」教練雙目通紅,用全身的肌肉按住懶覺。
教練越幹越大力,地震也越來越劇烈。
噗滋噗滋。
熾熱的岩漿滿溢而出,滾落山腳,燒毀了大片的樹林。
我狼狽地左躲右閃,在毀天滅地的景象中勉力自保。
突然轟地一聲巨響,整座火山高潮噴發。
整個營區似乎都晃了一下,然後一切回歸平靜。
「結……結束了嗎……」教練筋疲力竭地趴在火山口,動彈不得。
我小心翼翼地走上前,把教練拖下山,焦黑的屌也慢慢從火山口退了出來。
我好奇地拿樹枝戳了一下,烤成焦炭的包皮馬上碎裂剝落,露出黃金色的光澤。
「小心!」教練猛然推開我,一道耀眼的金芒在他胯下炸開。
我跌坐在地上,呆滯地抬起頭。
經過地火淬鍊的懶覺並沒有毀滅,反而浴火重生,昂然復活!
「吼啊啊啊啊!!!」
它的馬眼竟朝天空噴出灼熱的岩漿,整根懶覺像黃金哥吉拉一樣大聲咆哮。
「這樣……應該算是有結紮成功吧?」我想辦法安慰教練。
畢竟,就算是噴火龍也不敢跟現在的教練交配吧?
黃金色的陰毛倒豎,憤怒的青筋在龜頭上蜿蜒,整根懶覺都圍繞著金黃色的氣流。
教練絕望地看著突變進化的超級賽亞屌,遲遲說不出話來。
事到如今,已經沒有人可以阻止教練的懶覺了。
「為師不回去了。」教練搖搖晃晃地站起身。
「教練?」我皺眉。
「這個世界上,只剩一個人可以阻止為師的懶覺。」教練頭也不回地走向火山口。
教練的背影淒然而決絕,我忍不住紅了眼眶。
「是真新鎮的小智嗎?」我擦擦眼淚。
教練搖搖頭。
「請告訴浩南,為師會在末日火山等著。」
「等什麼?」我問。
「等那孩子成長為足以打倒我的戰士。」教練淒然笑道。
語畢,教練跳進火山口,消失在我的眼前。
我怔然,內心五味雜陳。
沒想到山雞小小年紀就失去了父親,還得肩負如此沉重的使命,真是造化弄人。
這件事,我該怎麼告訴浩南哥?
這就是教練高溫殺精的過程,供您參考。
※ 引述《nbnk (李榮浩)》之銘言:
: 不好意思
: 小弟文組不是很懂
: 聽說精子很不耐高溫
: 稍微熱一點就死了
: 那如果說一年365天,每天都泡溫泉
: 泡完再打砲 484就不會懷孕了?
--
無聊嗎?來聽我說個故事吧。
https://www.facebook.com/TigerblueStory
--
Tags:
避孕
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