是不是沒有愛再怎麼做都沒用 - 成人話題討論

By Lauren
at 2021-03-03T00:52
at 2021-03-03T00:52
Table of Contents
如題。我本人是24歲,母胎單身的女子,沒有任何的戀愛經驗,頂多暗戀,然後都不了了之
昨天跟一個在軟體上認識炮友約見面,本來也是說好見面看感覺認識一下,最後也是直接在人家私人工作室打了一炮 (過程略XD )
然而,我在過程當中沒有不舒服,也不是被硬上,他人也是很禮貌。但說真的,我覺得一點感覺都沒有,一點點的歡愉感都感受不到,反而事後難過到坐車回家的時候,沿途偷偷流眼淚。
我不知道我怎麼了,我是為了「快樂」,才開始約炮,想要藉由與陌生人親密接觸,來得到身而為人那一絲絲的喜悅感受。卻不知道怎麼了,越約越多次,每一次的感受就越糟,彷彿再也找不到快樂的任何可能性
順便提一下我第一次的約炮經驗,同樣是在交友軟體上認識,是一個大我4歲的人,他很擅長聆聽跟安慰別人,重點是很尊重女方。我當時處在一個非常低潮的狀態,大概是活到現在最難過的時期(目前還是沒走出來 )那一炮真的很開心,我們談了很多彼此的想法,他也開導我蠻多事,他載我回家的時候還說「被我幹完看得出來你是發自內心在笑欸」
第一次的好經驗我便食髓知味(?)的再跟他約了幾次,但之後的經驗都沒有第一次快樂,反而越來越空虛,甚至連爽的感覺都快感覺不到
(補充一下,我沒有暈船,我很清楚知道彼此只是約炮關係)
不知道是我變了?還是他變了?甚至懷疑我是不是已經對性冷感,連昨天跟新的陌生人接觸都刺激不了我 其實我蠻追求思想上的交流(還是智性戀XD),最好是可以分享彼此價值觀或難過的事,偏偏昨天那個話都沒聽完就直接親過來,讓我小失望
約炮之後無聊看了《道德浪女》這本書,常常打到一些點,像是我真的自尊太低,才想藉由約炮來證明自己的價值;誠實說出自己的感受很重要,有看過這本書的人應該知道我在說啥XD
打了這麼多,只是想抒發一下最近的困境,感覺心態已經有點崩,還是做愛/打炮這件事真的必須建立在某些情感上嗎(像好感、欣賞、愛慕 等等)?
順便分享一下,今天下定決定去做了熱蠟除毛,光溜溜的皮膚真的好好摸,我自己回家狂摸XD 疼痛是值得的!!可惜沒有能跟我分享的炮友了吧唉
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Tags:
做愛
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