人生中最三小的騎人節 - 成人話題討論

By James
at 2019-02-15T02:04

Table of Contents

回到家真的覺得太三小了不發個廢文真的吞不下這口氣
一年中最浪漫的騎人節竟然遇到這種事
氣到小女子我差點長一根彈出來

好先前情提要
之前提過的那位在某約炮神器上自稱極品上彎屌的大叔
因為他在嘉義工作不常來北部所以跟他也就偶爾隨便聊聊而已
結果上禮拜他突然說騎人節隔天他剛好要來台北談公事
反正住飯店問我要不要去找他見識一下
我想說騎人節好像應該要找個人騎就答應他了

到了當天也就是剛剛
晚上跟朋友吃完飯之後就敲了大叔問他地址
再搭捷運的路上還偷偷幻想了一下上彎屌到底有多厲害
一個人走進飯店搭電梯走到房間門口的時候其實有點緊張
覺得自己好像已經先濕了QQ

進到房間之後一切都進行得很自然
上彎大叔長相跟照片上差不多高高瘦瘦的甚至有點像阿部寬
跟他接吻的時候被他鬍渣輕輕的摩擦讓我卵子差點直接爆腦
直接想先幫大叔吃吃但他問我要不要先去沖個澡比較舒服
原本以為是要我跟他一起洗讓我又突然害羞了一下
結果他早就已經洗完了
好吧QQ 只好自己趕快沖一沖

沖完出來之後發現大叔自己已經脫光光躺在床上了
只圍了一條大浴巾整個又讓我想到羅馬浴場XDD
已經完全受不了的我直接上床準備開始品嚐傳說中的上彎屌
懷著既期待又怕受傷害的心情慢慢掀開了大叔胯下的浴巾

……………………………………

這個是………………
上彎是上彎沒錯啦但到底是出了什麼問題
腦海中瞬間想到過年媽媽燉的雞湯裡面的巴西蘑菇
目測大概長12 但寬大概只有2吧~~~~
然後頭頭的形狀也很詭異
整根看起來就是個沒長好的蘑菇啊啊啊啊啊啊啊
大概像這樣
https://i.imgur.com/t3ghyLX.jpg

大叔看我傻在那邊可能以為我是被它震懾住了
還問我說: 怎麼樣真的是上彎沒騙妳吧
………………………………
我只好閉著眼睛就當作雞湯裡的蘑菇吧
結果吃不到一分鐘吧
大叔就把我的頭抬起來說: 看不出來妳很會耶我受不了了
就拿出套子戴上準備開始做
都這樣了小女子我只好當作日行一善吧
只怪自己卵子衝腦識人不清

總之還好大概10分鐘內這場惡夢就結束了
受不了的是做完之後大叔一直在那邊叫叫叫
說什麼我真的很厲害而且裡面好緊
大哥... 真的不是小女子我的問題好嗎
而且你這副德性還怪我太緊無言到炸= =

三小騎人節氣到睡不著了啦
我又不是超級瑪莉到底為什麼上天要給我蘑菇~~~~~~

--

Tags: 成人

All Comments

By Candice
at 2019-02-17T20:33

圖xddd

By Jack
at 2019-02-20T15:01

很氣

By Emily
at 2019-02-23T09:29

羅馬浴場我只想到那個奴隸在下面吹水做成的免治馬桶
了XDDDDDDD

By Leila
at 2019-02-26T03:57

我很好奇，那些短或小的男生都自我感覺良好嗎._.

By Una
at 2019-02-28T22:25

男森484都內建覺得自己屌很大的自信啊

By Steve
at 2019-03-03T16:53

我現在好餓看到那個菇菇害我好想喝雞湯喔

By Ophelia
at 2019-03-06T11:21

你只有變大，如果再舔菊花，你就會噴火了說

By Emma
at 2019-03-09T05:50

所以說才要先看照片驗貨啊XDD只好寄信了

By Agnes
at 2019-03-12T00:18

笑死了哈哈哈哈幫原po拍拍遇人不淑啊害人的情人節!!

By Enid
at 2019-03-14T18:46

幫QQ

By Frederic
at 2019-03-17T13:14

至少長得像阿部寬幫QQ

By Isla
at 2019-03-20T07:42

宵夜文！

By Ivy
at 2019-03-23T02:10

拍拍

By Daph Bay
at 2019-03-25T20:38

我比較好奇的是角度真的有差嗎
因為和長寬沒什麼關係吧

By Madame
at 2019-03-28T15:06

阿不寬

By Hedda
at 2019-03-31T09:35

原來真的有女孩兒會想跟這種還沒見面就自吹自擂的男
人約喔==

By Bennie
at 2019-04-03T04:03

通常自信爆棚跟精蟲上腦的要先過濾QQ

By Kumar
at 2019-04-05T22:31

我都先視訊驗貨給你參考
樓下都請對方直接寄樣本

By Rebecca
at 2019-04-08T16:59

要吃我的無敵星星嗎

By Freda
at 2019-04-11T11:27

雖然不太喜歡看生殖器照片但自從某次踩雷後都還是逼著
自己要先看照片啊哈哈至少不是短蘑菇拍拍

By William
at 2019-04-14T05:55

燈燈燈燈燈燈燈燈登登登登登登登登~

By Eden
at 2019-04-17T00:23

無敵星星是奶頭嗎XD

By Charlie
at 2019-04-19T18:52

哇哇~~寬度2的說你緊, 你可以好好驕傲一陣子了

By Queena
at 2019-04-22T13:20

這樣是上勾不是上彎

By Noah
at 2019-04-25T07:48

月兒彎彎香菇跳啊跳想要根香蕉來根金針菇

By Charlotte
at 2019-04-28T02:16

阿是不會先看過喔

By Brianna
at 2019-04-30T20:44

我覺得應該是衰小不是三小....

By Ivy
at 2019-05-03T15:12

蘑菇XDDD

By Leila
at 2019-05-06T09:40

偏左不知道有沒有市場

By Puput
at 2019-05-09T04:08

害我不自覺的把抽屜的尺拿了出來

By Kumar
at 2019-05-11T22:37

量出寬2.5的數字

By Carolina Franco
at 2019-05-14T17:05

不行我笑到不能自己

By John
at 2019-05-17T11:33

這種機會從不屬於我QAQ

By Carolina Franco
at 2019-05-20T06:01

人帥真好，人醜吃草，巴西蘑菇又如何

By Edwina
at 2019-05-23T00:29

好悲慘的經驗

By Kumar
at 2019-05-25T18:57

有圖有推XDD

By Sandy
at 2019-05-28T13:25

突然想吃菇菇鍋

By Barb Cronin
at 2019-05-31T07:54

還不是吃到了

By Jessica
at 2019-06-03T02:22

我寄了，樓下呢

By Adele
at 2019-06-05T20:50

懶得寄啦

By Hedy
at 2019-06-08T15:18

有想過明天要和蘑菇湯的人嗎

By Suhail Hany
at 2019-06-11T09:46

是我就直接走人

By Una
at 2019-06-14T04:14

二不寬

By Skylar Davis
at 2019-06-16T22:42

super mario~~~~

By Noah
at 2019-06-19T17:10

幫QQ.所以要先看照片驗貨啊

By Annie
at 2019-06-22T11:39

可惜我沒有上彎

By Bennie
at 2019-06-25T06:07

越會浮誇的越小總有女人上當

By Noah
at 2019-06-28T00:35

這麼細都覺得緊，你是多窄

By Hedda
at 2019-06-30T19:03

某樓自己不是也有約過還敢說別人喔

By Yuri
at 2019-07-03T13:31

因為妳沒有好好選擇菇類的品種

By Ula
at 2019-07-06T07:59

我的髮型像役所廣司，可以嗎？

By Frederic
at 2019-07-09T02:27

啊～不寬！笑推！

By Erin
at 2019-07-11T20:56

有圖有聯想幫樓主QQ 遇菇不慎

By Ida
at 2019-07-14T15:24

慘

By Erin
at 2019-07-17T09:52

上彎路過

By Queena
at 2019-07-20T04:20

笑

By Elvira
at 2019-07-22T22:48

推阿不寬xDD

By Ethan
at 2019-07-25T17:16

推巴西蘑菇

By Dora
at 2019-07-28T11:44

天哪XDDD

By Annie
at 2019-07-31T06:12

沒驗貨就赴約，難怪約砲市場總是有爛咖。

By Charlie
at 2019-08-03T00:41

XDDDDDDDDD

By Olga
at 2019-08-05T19:09

這個好笑推

By Eartha
at 2019-08-08T13:37

哈哈好好雷哦

By Christine
at 2019-08-11T08:05

那個圖我想到金針菇XDD

By Kelly
at 2019-08-14T02:33

還好不是像頭套鹿花菌

By Una
at 2019-08-16T21:01

還不快點去找綠蘑菇

By Edwina
at 2019-08-19T15:29

果然是阿，不寬

By Erin
at 2019-08-22T09:58

幫QQ

By Daph Bay
at 2019-08-25T04:26

不是應該要先驗貨嗎

By Ivy
at 2019-08-27T22:54

妳很會呦 )挑眉

By Jacob
at 2019-08-30T17:22

幫QQ

By William
at 2019-09-02T11:50

蝦味先小蘑菇西斯無極限金針菇該出現了！

By Rosalind
at 2019-09-05T06:18

有笑有推

By Olga
at 2019-09-08T00:46

拍拍XD

By Jake
at 2019-09-10T19:14

有笑有推 XDD

By Annie
at 2019-09-13T13:43

超級瑪利XDDDD

By Irma
at 2019-09-16T08:11

寬只有2也太誇張了吧....

By Linda
at 2019-09-19T02:39

幫QQ

By Tom
at 2019-09-21T21:07

寫得很有趣細長屌也有市場的呵

By Anonymous
at 2019-09-24T15:35

我還S型彎勒

By Hedda
at 2019-09-27T10:03

拍拍

By Elma
at 2019-09-30T04:31

恭喜妳解了吃蘑菇的成就

By Olive
at 2019-10-02T23:00

細小蘑菇感受到緊，笑死

By Hamiltion
at 2019-10-05T17:28

阿不寬推

By Rebecca
at 2019-10-08T11:56

哈哈哈哈哈完全都是畫面

By Sarah
at 2019-10-11T06:24

笑死，幫QQ，下次使用前先看分身照片

By Bethany
at 2019-10-14T00:52

哈

By Tristan Cohan
at 2019-10-16T19:20

2cm 套子有這麼小的嗎

By Hedy
at 2019-10-19T13:48

SOP完全沒有達成這妳要負大責

By Kristin
at 2019-10-22T08:16

超級瑪莉 XDDD

By Jack
at 2019-10-25T02:45

嚇死人了等等中午吃過菇菇鍋壓壓驚

By Enid
at 2019-10-27T21:13

阿部寬很好了！之前遇過女的像半澤直樹……不堪回首

By Ursula
at 2019-10-30T15:41

嚇到吃菇菇

By Lucy
at 2019-11-02T10:09

啊！不寬！

By Tom
at 2019-11-05T04:37

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈巴西蘑菇

By Christine
at 2019-11-07T23:05

需要長度16、寬度5.5的台灣香菇嗎？(名片遞然後被警察帶走

By Kelly
at 2019-11-10T17:33

寬2....真的不忍直視，套子不會很鬆嗎

By Madame
at 2019-11-13T12:02

好想看寬2是怎樣...

By Quintina
at 2019-11-16T06:30

寬2 好想看看畫面小學生??

By Dinah
at 2019-11-19T00:58

有笑有推

By Yedda
at 2019-11-21T19:26

寬2 驚人!!!

By Elvira
at 2019-11-24T13:54

有笑有推記得下次驗貨

By Freda
at 2019-11-27T08:22

靠杯太好笑了

By Edith
at 2019-11-30T02:50

好五元贏了 XD https://i.imgur.com/aTCLTux.jpg

By Belly
at 2019-12-02T21:18

笑死哈哈

By Lucy
at 2019-12-05T15:47

被上鉤拳擊倒

By Cara
at 2019-12-08T10:15

啊！不寬

By Rosalind
at 2019-12-11T04:43

不要蘑菇不然你要什麼

By Skylar DavisLinda
at 2019-12-13T23:11

笑死

By Oscar
at 2019-12-16T17:39

明天見..

By Quanna
at 2019-12-19T12:07

可見你多緊 2公分寬都受不了XDDDD

By Anonymous
at 2019-12-22T06:35

幫QQ XDDD

By Zenobia
at 2019-12-25T01:04

真的是阿~~~不寬。

By Enid
at 2019-12-27T19:32

2cm男子

By Emma
at 2019-12-30T14:00

寬2這個真的是跌破人類下限了吧

By Lucy
at 2020-01-02T08:28

12/2 杯具

By Caitlin
at 2020-01-05T02:56

學一次乖QQ下次記得先驗貨

By Agnes
at 2020-01-07T21:24

被針刺到

By Zenobia
at 2020-01-10T15:52

好慘幫QQ

By Megan
at 2020-01-13T10:20

2mm？

By Sierra Rose
at 2020-01-16T04:49

信箱要爆了.....

By Mason
at 2020-01-18T23:17

By Jack
at 2020-01-21T17:45

登登等登登～

By Carolina Franco
at 2020-01-24T12:13

真的有寬兩公分的哦，那我快五真的要感謝上帝了

By Olga
at 2020-01-27T06:41

簡單來說就是太細造成本人覺得很長的錯覺情人節有蘑菇
吃還嫌有人逼你嗎

By Jessica
at 2020-01-30T01:09

默默的拿起尺...哈哈，原來2公分，這麼寬啊啊

By Kyle
at 2020-02-01T19:37

選我選我

By Jessica
at 2020-02-04T14:06

又是蝦味先又是巴西蘑菇，要變成美食版了

By Skylar DavisLinda
at 2020-02-07T08:34

啊就不寬

By Suhail Hany
at 2020-02-10T03:02

沒人逼你啊……

By Hazel
at 2020-02-12T21:30

真的是阿~不寬啊，沒錯啦

By Hazel
at 2020-02-15T15:58

下次記得先當黃師傅的弟子量寬

By Harry
at 2020-02-18T10:26

最近小屌好多喔!!幫QQ

By Skylar Davis
at 2020-02-21T04:54

這樣叫我以後怎麼面對火鍋裡的小蘑菇哈哈哈嘔嘔嘔

By Gary
at 2020-02-23T23:22

加我賴啊

By Victoria
at 2020-02-26T17:51

我都覺得自己有30公分寬

By Hazel
at 2020-02-29T12:19

可見妳應該真的很緊，不然這麼細的蘑菇進去通常會嫌女生鬆
(幹自己太細還敢嫌，我都沒臭幹細雞雞了ㄇㄉㄈㄎ

By Anonymous
at 2020-03-03T06:47

幫妳跟巴西蘑菇QQ，哈哈哈！UCCU

By Tom
at 2020-03-06T01:15

就叫你不要玩食物了吧

By Dora
at 2020-03-08T19:43

寬2cm 沒充血都比這寬

By David
at 2020-03-11T14:11

By John
at 2020-03-14T08:39

不愛看不確認就是要來發雷文羞辱男的啊還是乖乖驗再GO吧

By Noah
at 2020-03-17T03:08

又是蝦味先又是蘑菇我來錯版了

By Elizabeth
at 2020-03-19T21:36

一下蝦味先一下蘑菇 XD

By Valerie
at 2020-03-22T16:04

推圖解

By Dorothy
at 2020-03-25T10:32

長這樣的屌我還真想看看

By Franklin
at 2020-03-28T05:00

騎人節還踩雷 QQ

By Eden
at 2020-03-30T23:28

沒驗貨就上勇氣可嘉

By Hardy
at 2020-04-02T17:56

圖好好笑

By Hedy
at 2020-04-05T12:24

笑推蘑菇餐...

By Hamiltion
at 2020-04-08T06:53

寬度太扯了吧XDDD

By Ingrid
at 2020-04-11T01:21

被阿就...不寬笑死

By Donna
at 2020-04-13T19:49

2分蠻細的咧~~~

By Tom
at 2020-04-16T14:17

阿不先討商品外觀照片，拆封說自己被騙...zzz

By Donna
at 2020-04-19T08:45

太好笑了

By Selena
at 2020-04-22T03:13

宵夜文餓了

By Frederica
at 2020-04-24T21:41

來8~ 選我~ 選我

By Zanna
at 2020-04-27T16:10

喝雞湯囉！

By Candice
at 2020-04-30T10:38

連這菇妳都能緊緊夾住，可以也讓我試試嗎？拜偷

By Aaliyah
at 2020-05-03T05:06

要先看照片真的很多自我感覺良好的蘑菇

By Hazel
at 2020-05-05T23:34

感謝原po 原來我不是最慘的XD

By Ivy
at 2020-05-08T18:02

吃菇養生

By Irma
at 2020-05-11T12:30

12公分臭了嗎...

By Lily
at 2020-05-14T06:58

笑死XD

By Madame
at 2020-05-17T01:26

煮湯囉～

By Elvira
at 2020-05-19T19:55

我默默拿尺出來了哈哈哈哈

By Zora
at 2020-05-22T14:23

失望了吧！？行前還是要多看多比較吧

By Charlie
at 2020-05-25T08:51

好生動的圖

By Suhail Hany
at 2020-05-28T03:19

2公分...我默默的看了我眼前的那把尺...

By Hedwig
at 2020-05-30T21:47

哈哈哈歡迎驗貨唷

By Robert
at 2020-06-02T16:15

就真的阿不寬啊！她又沒騙你

By Catherine
at 2020-06-05T10:43

幫QQ。寄信給你

By Queena
at 2020-06-08T05:12

XDDDDDDDDDDD

By Agnes
at 2020-06-10T23:40

By Enid
at 2020-06-13T18:08

好悲慘菇菇湯

By Tom
at 2020-06-16T12:36

阿不寬我爆笑

By Queena
at 2020-06-19T07:04

幹笑死我

By Joe
at 2020-06-22T01:32

阿不寬笑死

By Dorothy
at 2020-06-24T20:00

好慘=_=

By Sarah
at 2020-06-27T14:28

勇氣

By Dorothy
at 2020-06-30T08:57

幹被圖笑死

By Kelly
at 2020-07-03T03:25

吃香菇有益身心健康 XD

By Edward Lewis
at 2020-07-05T21:53

靠我切成3份還快贏他

By Emily
at 2020-07-08T16:21

香蕉路過

By Donna
at 2020-07-11T10:49

已寄信

By Mason
at 2020-07-14T05:17

俺有上彎就是屌，大ㄉ小ㄉ都不屌

By Jessica
at 2020-07-16T23:45

笑死

By Charlie
at 2020-07-19T18:14

你也算遇到極端值啦，幫QQ

By Emma
at 2020-07-22T12:42

羅馬浴場XD

By Jessica
at 2020-07-25T07:10

我也需要日行一善

By Delia
at 2020-07-28T01:38

不爭氣笑了出來

By Edwina
at 2020-07-30T20:06

蘑菇好可愛

By Selena
at 2020-08-02T14:34

巴西蘑菇錯了嗎？（狂笑）

By Charlotte
at 2020-08-05T09:02

至少很帥啦

By Susan
at 2020-08-08T03:30

10分鐘是三小

By Hedwig
at 2020-08-10T21:59

笑翻

By Bennie
at 2020-08-13T16:27

超好笑

By Tristan Cohan
at 2020-08-16T10:55

真是丟我們上彎族的臉！我要雪恥！

By Mary
at 2020-08-19T05:23

原來上彎屌是約砲神屌

By Noah
at 2020-08-21T23:51

2太誇張...

By Ula
at 2020-08-24T18:19

就說是阿‧不寬了幫QQ

By Dora
at 2020-08-27T12:47

就跟我的蝦味先一樣悽慘

By Olive
at 2020-08-30T07:16

金針菇？

By Kumar
at 2020-09-02T01:44

找我

By Anthony
at 2020-09-04T20:12

笑死我

By Catherine
at 2020-09-07T14:40

總是嫌人一次就不行，難道都沒有round2?

By Skylar DavisLinda
at 2020-09-10T09:08

讓人生氣的蘑菇XDDDDDDDDD

By Rebecca
at 2020-09-13T03:36

哈哈哈

By Charlotte
at 2020-09-15T22:04

阿不寬

By Ida
at 2020-09-18T16:32

結果離開前還給妳來一句：see you tomorrow ，當自己是金針
菇

By Vanessa
at 2020-09-21T11:01

幫阿不寬QQ

By Andrew
at 2020-09-24T05:29

吃蘑菇命條+1

By John
at 2020-09-26T23:57

好好笑

By Emily
at 2020-09-29T18:25

XDDD

By Tristan Cohan
at 2020-10-02T12:53

毒菇……

By Isabella
at 2020-10-05T07:21

阿部寬

By Olga
at 2020-10-08T01:49

碧姬公主偷吃蘑菇，哈哈哈

By Leila
at 2020-10-10T20:18

幫QQ

By Hazel
at 2020-10-13T14:46

XDDD

By Thomas
at 2020-10-16T09:14

笑死XD

By Suhail Hany
at 2020-10-19T03:42

朝聖XD

By Mia
at 2020-10-21T22:10

阿不寬快笑死我了

人生中最三小的騎人節 - 成人話題討論

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