不小心看見爸爸打手槍 (浩南完結篇) - 成人話題討論

By Bethany
at 2018-09-07T12:20
at 2018-09-07T12:20
Table of Contents
我當兵的時候有個同梯叫山雞,也跟您有過同樣的遭遇。
就在我們退伍前不久的某個晚上,我們跟山雞來到營區後山,爬上一座終年流動著岩漿的
火山。
「我可不可以別去?每次衰小的都是我。」浩南哥臉色蒼白地爬著山。
「腳動起來啦,懶人鮑,有山雞在你怕什麼?」威利嗆他。
「你……你叫我什麼……」浩南哥有氣無力地抗議。
山雞沒有說話,終於就要與偉大的父親對決,他現在的心情一定就跟他的懶覺一樣沉重。
江山代有才人粗,我實在無法想像,這場父子之爭的結局會是如何。
我們到達火山口,往下一看,一個熟悉的魁武身影正碰碰碰地打著手槍。
還是一樣不要命地毆打著懶覺,拳拳到肉。
「教練!」威利興奮地揮手:「我們來看你啦!」
教練抬起頭,眼中一片瘋狂的殷紅。
他的懶覺猛地暴漲,朝我們轟了過來。
「幹!教練真的被懶覺控制了!」威利大叫。
砰!
千鈞一髮之際,山雞的懶覺格擋住教練的懶覺。
「噗!」山雞悶哼一聲,馬眼噴出一口血。
「吼啊啊啊啊啊啊!!!」教練的懶覺憤怒地咆哮。
黃金色的氣流匯聚,金色的陰毛怒豎,超級賽亞屌再次出現。
「毀滅的噴射白光!」山雞先下手為強,馬眼噴出一道熾熱的光線。
教練的懶覺吐出漫天岩漿,瞬間將山雞的洨燒成白煙。
下一剎那,兩根懶覺乒乒乓乓交擊在一起,化成一片模糊交錯的殘影。
腿是兩扇門,全靠屌打人。
山雞被打得連連後退,機械懶覺劈哩啪啦閃爍著受創的電光。
「山雞贏不了教練……」我愣愣地說道。
不論是經驗、力量、技術,山雞處於全面下風。
突然,教練虛晃一槍,山雞失去重心,懶覺插進岩壁中,一時間拔不出來。
教練高高躍起,抱著懶覺由上而下重重劈落,把山雞整個人劈入地面。
亂石崩雲,石屑紛飛。
教練甩著屌朝我們走了過來。
「難道真的沒有人能阻止教練的懶覺了嗎?」威利絕望地打著手槍。
「慢著……還沒……還沒結束呢……」山雞勉力撐著懶覺,巍巍站起身。
任誰都看得出來,他已是強弩之末。
「老爸,你知不知道,為了現在這一刻,我到底經歷了什麼?」山雞哭了。
浩南哥瞪大眼睛。
現在山雞是用嘴巴在說話。
山雞哭得淚流滿面,就像是傷透了心。
他畢竟只是個孩子。
「我已經跟媽約定好,要把你帶回來了啊啊啊啊啊!」
山雞挺起支離破碎的屌,朝教練直直衝了過去。
「吼啊啊啊啊!!!」教練的懶覺也毫不留情地暴衝。
我閉上眼睛,不忍看山雞慘死的畫面。
「不要!!!!!」
一聲淒厲的尖叫劃破雲霄。
身遭一片死寂。
「浩……浩南……」威利顫抖的聲音在我耳邊響起。
我睜開眼睛,看見了終生無法忘懷的畫面。
山雞的表情錯愕,懶覺捅進浩南哥的屁股。
教練滿臉茫然,懶覺從浩南哥嘴中貫入。
浩南哥像烤乳豬一樣被串在兩人中間。
教練意識混亂地抱著頭,神智逐漸掙脫懶覺的控制。
「喔……喔喔……嗚啊……浩南……」
我想,這個世界上如果真的有什麼力量能夠超越教練的懶覺,也只有愛了吧?
浩南對山雞的母愛,對教練的情愛,終於將這個毀天滅地的魔王喚醒。
兩行血淚流淌而下,教練跪倒。
兩人抽出懶覺,浩南哥摔落在地面。
他的身體那樣癱軟,彷彿全身上下的骨頭都已粉碎。
少小離家老大回,菊花已成向日葵,這是何等痛楚。
但是他在笑。
「山雞,你終於叫我媽了。」浩南哥奄奄一息。
「媽!你不要走!不要走……」山雞脆弱地哭著。
浩南哥摸著山雞的頭,轉頭看向教練,虛弱地笑道:「你回來了。」
「我回來了。」教練神色痛苦:「但我寧可不要回來。」
「我想通了,我不怪你,我……」浩南哥氣若游絲。
溫柔撫摸山雞的那隻手,垂軟落地。
「媽!你醒醒啊!」山雞抱著浩南哥的身體,肝腸寸斷地慟哭。
「是我不好!我弒父姦母!我是人渣賤狗!媽!你為什麼不回答我?」
再也沒人說得出話來。
只剩山雞的哭聲迴盪在夜空中,久久不散。
□
那天晚上,教練抱著浩南哥,抓狂似地衝進指揮官的寢室,要他打電話叫救護車。
浩南哥被送出營區急救,營區長官對這件事完全保密,我們再無浩南哥的消息。
我們因為多次違反營區規定,被禁假到退伍,手機也禁止使用,完全與世隔絕。
教練睡回他原本的床位,山雞則睡在浩南哥的位置,兩人始終沒有說話。
幾個月後,我們退伍了。
「威利,你是好了沒啊?」
退伍當天,我站在寢室門口催促著堅持要打最後一次手槍作紀念的威利
「好了啦,沒耐心欸。」威利哆嗦。
「怎麼那麼慢啊?」我抱怨。
「因為豆漿濃啊。」威利穿上褲子。
走出營區大門,我看著外頭陌生又熟悉的世界,內心五味雜陳。
當兵的確可以讓一個人成長許多。
威利在服役期間告別處男,此生不再有遺憾。
教練終於可以完全控制自己的懶覺,退伍後要回加拿大繼續當性愛教練。
山雞深知痛失至親的滋味,決定簽下志願役,保家衛國,不再讓任何人體會這種痛苦。
浩南哥雖然沒有陪我們一起走到最後,也在過程中認清自我,對一切釋懷。
我抬起頭,看著象徵自由的蒼穹,一陣感慨。
忽地,一陣香風迎面吹來。
教練渾身一震。
威利揉揉眼睛。
山雞熱淚盈眶。
我的呼吸停止。
──馬路對面,一個美到令人屏息的正妹對我們揮著手。
《我的大兵日記》──完
謝謝各位這陣子的陪伴,我玩得很開心。
--
無聊嗎?來聽我說個故事吧。
https://www.facebook.com/TigerblueStory
--
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